Late-night hosts on Trump's leadership: 'This is supposed to be the honeymoon'

Extract from The Guardian

Comics, including Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah and the returning Jon Stewart, discussed the chaotic scenes both in and outside the White House

Jon Stewart guests on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Photograph: YouTube

Guardian staff

Thursday 2 February 2017 03.41 AEDT 

Late-night comics weighed in on the latest developments at the White House, referring to the damaging effects of reality-TV-star-turned-president Donald Trump’s “vindictive chaos”.

The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah discussed Trump’s presidency after just over a week in the role, bringing up the many faults with his leadership.
“Every single day of his administration has been a clusterfuck,” he said. “Inauguration lies, popular vote conspiracies, cardboard cake, forgetting to mention the Jews on Holocaust Remembrance Day and then the disastrous implementation of his immigration and refugee ban.”
Noah then took aim at Trump claiming that the travel ban had been working out well so far, with the airports all responding well to the crisis.
“I actually feel like the next four years of Trump is going to be him and his people saying one thing and us saying ‘we have eyes’,” he said. He then compared Trump’s statement to scenes of protests at airports nationwide, saying: “Either Trump’s delusional or his aides replaced news coverage with that scene from Love Actually.”
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert was equally shocked at the lack of competence and professionalism shown by the new president.
“We’re just 10 days in and it already feels like chaos at the White House,” he said. “This is supposed to be the honeymoon. How could Trump blow the honeymoon? He’s had three of them. This is what you’ve been training for, sir.”

He briefly spoke about Trump’s new pick for the supreme court, Neil Gorsuch. “No surprise he chose him,” he said. “He is a strict constitutional originalist. That means he rules only as the founding fathers intended. In cases like Marbury v Electricity Is the Devil’s Magic and the People v Slavery Is Cool, right?”
Colbert then ripped Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, who defended the controversial decision to handcuff and detain a five-year-old US citizen with an Iranian mother. “He could have been radicalized, or, if he missed his nap, very cranky,” he said.

The former Daily Show host Jon Stewart then made an appearance with a dead animal on his head in an absurdly long tie in a tribute to Trump’s appearance at the inauguration. He proceeded to read a number of new executive orders.
“To secure our border, China shall immediately and without hesitation send us their wall,” he said. “When the wall arrives at the southern border, we shut the lights and pretend we’re not home.”
He went on: “America now finally has an official language. The new official language of the United States is bullshit. I, Donald J Trump, have instructed my staff to speak only in bullshit.”

Like the other hosts, he expressed his shock at everything that’s happened in such a short time, claiming that the new president is exhausting for the American public.
“It has been 11 days, Stephen,” he said. “Eleven fucking days. Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public.”
In character, he then added: “Every instinct and fiber of my pathological self-regard calls me to abuse of power … It is going to take relentless stamina, vigilance and every institutional check and balance that this great country can muster to keep me, Donald J Trump, from going full Palpatine.”
He finished on an alarmed note: “We have never faced this before: purposeful, vindictive chaos.”
On a lighter note, Seth Meyers decided to cover Melania Trump’s much-criticized Vanity Fair Mexico cover, where she appears to be dining on a bowl of jewellery.

“First off, is she going to eat those diamonds?” he said. “Also, Donald, are you not feeding her? Or in the Trump household, are diamonds food?”
Meyers continued with more questions: “Why is she twirling them like spaghetti? Is that the right way to eat diamonds? Because when I eat diamonds, I just pop them in my mouth like Skittles. Have I been making a fool of myself the entire time?”
He then commented on the fact that this strange cover would normally gain more attention but it’s been swamped by other, even stranger stories. “Isn’t it weird that this isn’t that shocking?” he said. “That it’s not the most bizarre thing we’ve seen this week. Marie Antoinette said ‘let them eat cake’ and there was a fucking revolution. Meanwhile, Melania’s eating diamonds, and we’re all like ‘ah, it could be worse’.”