Late-night TV roundup: Trump's government is 'fully engulfed in chaos'

Extract from The Guardian

Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert and others discussed the administration’s ties with Russia and Paul Ryan’s poor impression of a moral watchdog

Samantha Bee: ‘Unfortunately the guy who spends his life sealed in a no pets Isengard in the middle of Manhattan and never wears anything but a suit isn’t what you’d call a nature lover.’ Photograph: YouTube

Guardian staff

Friday 17 February 2017 04.16 AEDT 

Late-night hosts took aim at Trump’s failing administration, saying it was “fully engulfed in chaos”.

On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah covered the reality TV star turned president’s meeting with Benjamin Netanyahu, stating that “Watching Trump’s diplomacy is a surreal experience.”
He also joked about how Trump handled the topic of illegal settlements, simply by telling him they should be stopped. “I’m sorry but Donald Trump is a genius,” he said. “No one has ever thought to just straight up ask Netanyahu to stop the settlements. He asked him like a neighbor telling someone to turn down the music.”
On the response, he said: “You can see Netanyahu’s like ‘who the fuck is this dude?’”
Noah ended with a theory that maybe Trump’s plan is actually going to work after all. “Trump is either a genius or he is the biggest idiot the world has ever seen ’cause I honestly wonder if Trump’s plan is to be such a bumbling fool that Israel and Palestine are going to get together in a room and say: ‘I think we can both agree that guy’s a fucking moron,’” he said.

On Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, the comic discussed the many changes that have happened in the last few weeks that most people are unaware of, rsaying the Republican Congress had gone “hog wild like Amish twins on a Rumspringa”.

She brought up their use of the Congressional Review Act which allows for the rollback of any law that Obama introduced in his last six months in power. “When the current Congress discovered this fun toy, they were excited as a puppy discovering a dildo and just as destructive,” she said.
In particular, she talked about the Endangered Species Act which is being modernized in “the same way an elderly volunteer modernized that fresco of Jesus” in order to allow for oil drillings over the welfare of many animals.
“Here’s the thing: the vast majority of Americans support wildlife protection,” she said. “The Endangered Species Act unites conservative warriors and unemployed liberal farmers. For God’s sake, animals are awesome is the only safe topic of conversation most American families have left.”
But Trump isn’t someone who appears to care about the environment. “Unfortunately the guy who spends his life sealed in a no pets Isengard in the middle of Manhattan and never wears anything but a suit isn’t what you’d call a nature lover,” she said.

She went on to talk about Trump’s “staff of wildly incompetent bumblefucks” and the mess that’s been made in the first few weeks.
She showed footage of Kellyanne Conway defending Trump’s decision to hire and then protect the disgraced national security adviser Michael Flynn.
“When Donald Trump put his hand on those two Bibles and swore to preserve, protect and defend a mendacious, Kremlin-stroking nutbag who would wreck America’s national security apparatus in the span of four weeks, he meant it,” she said.
She gave closer attention to Paul Ryan, commonly spoken of as the intellectual of the right. “In today’s Republican party, that’s kind of like saying Mo is the smart stooge,” she said.

“How did a principled social and fiscal conservative like Ryan wind up in bed with a bigoted, adulterous grope-machine who wants to blow $25bn on a coyote urinal?” she said, before looking into Ryan’s fall from grace.
“Watching Ryan play moral watchdog was like watching Taylor Swift pretend to be surprised at an award show,” she said. “Bland and fake but weirdly compelling.”
She also questioned whether he is putting party over people. “Paul Ryan would put Cthulhu in the White House if it would let him privatize Medicare,” she said.
She finally stressed the importance of Ryan and how more attention should be paid to his many wrongdoings.
“If in theory, a hypothetical president, we’ll call him Doug, were to collude with a foreign enemy, engage in self-dealing, defy a co-equal branch of government, share state secrets with the entire early dinner seating of his private club, be clinically bonkers or worst of all, lie under oath about an alleged sex act, guess who would be expected to draw up articles of impeachment?” she said. “Stand out of groping range everyone, it’s going to be a long four years.”
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke about Andrew Puzder, “Trump’s labor nominee and suburban dentist you meet at the swingers party.”

He withdrew his name from consideration and one of the reasons may have been Oprah unearthing video footage of his ex-wife talking about his alleged abusive behavior. “Thank you, Oprah,” he said. “Oprah can do anything. Quick follow-up question, Oprah, no real reason but do you ever do any shows in Russia because we could use some help?”
He then criticized Trump for his latest set of tweets, claiming that the leaks of potential collusion with Russia were to paper over the fact that Hillary Clinton lost the election.
“You’re like the guy who’s still talking about the big touchdown he made 20 years ago,” he said. “By the way, Hillary won the popular touchdowns.”
He also spoke about Trump’s press conference with Netanyahu, joking: “As a courtesy, Trump asked his staff to put a 24-hour hold on retweeting neo-Nazis. That’s just good manners, he’s a lovely host. It’s funny because it’s necessary.”
Finally on Late Night with Seth Meyers, the ex-SNL comic claimed that “the government is fully engulfed in chaos” and that there was “an unprecedented level of dysfunction in the White House”.

He also said that “this administration is like a really intense haunted house where every door that you think is an exit is just a door to a scarier room.”
He brought up reports that even though Trump knew of Flynn’s calls with Russia, he didn’t want to fire him as he risked embarrassment.
“You’re the ‘you’re fired’ guy and you couldn’t bring yourself to fire someone?” he said. “That’s like finding out that Flo from the Progressive commercials rides the bus.”