Extract from ABC News
You can get it watering plants.
You can get it at the pub.
You can even get it while surrounded by friends or family.
The experience of loneliness impacts many people at different times, but there's growing evidence it is as bad for your health as smoking or obesity.
Australians are having less social contact than ever before, fuelling what the Surgeon General of the United States has described as an "epidemic of loneliness and isolation."
So why are we becoming disconnected from friends and family, and what impact is it having on the health and wellbeing of Australians?
Michelle Lim, who heads a coalition of research organisations called Ending Loneliness Together, is one of Australia's foremost experts on the science of loneliness.
She says while spending time alone is healthy, chronic loneliness has serious impacts.
"Loneliness is an innate human signal for us to connect, for us to reach out to our community … so that we can thrive and flourish," Dr Lim says.
"So you can use the word in a way that's very similar to feeling hungry and feeling thirsty – it's a sign you need something more.
"When we try to ignore the feeling of loneliness and stay disconnected, there's robust scientific evidence that it's extremely detrimental to our health and wellbeing."
Studies have shown loneliness is as deadly as smoking half a packet of cigarettes a day, and is associated with 26 per cent increase in the risk of death.
Let's go back a step
Social isolation and loneliness are different things.
The first is easy to measure, as it relates to the frequency of social contact with friends and family.
Loneliness is more subjective, and is often described as a feeling of dissatisfaction that arises when social relationships are not meeting emotional needs.
Longitudinal studies show Australians are having less social contact than ever before, and also reporting increasing rates of loneliness.
Ferdi Botha, from the University of Melbourne, co-authors the annual (HILDA) survey, which monitors household and workforce trends.
"Since 2001, we've seen a definite decline in the frequency of social contact, and the trend unsurprisingly worsened during the years of the COVID pandemic," Dr Botha says.
"The biggest change has been among young people aged 15 to 24, who are also reporting the highest rates of loneliness.
"In terms of where to from here, it's likely there will be a spike in social connection in the period after the lockdowns, but it will be interesting to see if the longer-term trend continues."
Dr Lim says it is a sign things need to change.
"We're almost in a state of what we call social hunger and social deprivation," she says.
"Loneliness is part and parcel of life, but what's not normal is when we don't respond [by] reaching out to reconnect."
Technology 'pushing us apart'
Sociologists are wrestling with the question of whether Australians are less interested in friendship, or being isolated by factors outside their control.
The main drivers of social isolation are thought to be social media, longer working hours, more people living alone, and declining participation in church groups and volunteer organisations.
While technological developments such as video calls and phone apps are often credited with connecting people, there's increasing evidence they are no substitute for face-to-face contact.
Federal Assistant Minister for Charities Andrew Leigh has written extensively on the subject.
"There's been a shrinking of Australia's social circles, that's left us at risk of becoming a nation without friends" he explains.
"The number of close friends that Australians have has approximately halved since the mid 1980s, as has the number of neighbours who we know well enough to drop in on uninvited.
"So in a very real sense, Australians are losing friends compared to a generation ago.
"Technology is pushing us apart, a larger portion of Australians work, and we are tending to work longer hours."
Dr Leigh says social values have changed, with "being busy" increasingly seen as a virtue.
And he points to a deeper shift, tugging at the socials bonds that drive people to volunteer and be active in the community.
"We've become more individualistic as people, and less communitarian," he says.
"And I actually I think that's a threat to Australian values.
"We have prided ourselves on being a country that works together … so there's a need for a civic renaissance that takes us back to the roots that make as wealthier, healthier and ultimately happier."
How to make a friend
There are signs Australians are struggling on a personal level with how to go about making friends as an adult.
There are regular discussions on platforms like Reddit about the challenges of finding a social circle when moving cities or having children.
And an increasing number of Australians have reported experiencing social anxiety since the start of the COVID pandemic.
Psychologist Anastasia Hronis says her clients regularly present with a surface issue, which turns out to be linked to a feeling of isolation.
"Often it's actually a sense of loneliness … that can be adding to someone's stress or anxiety or depression," Dr Hronis says.
"And there are ways to work on that, by identifying the barriers to social contact, and looking at skills and strategies to help people build their social network.
"I think we all have an innate desire to be socially connected.
"Even back in caveman days being within a tribe was protective, and we still hold that deep within ourselves."
Psychologists say the current cost-of-living crisis is fuelling Australians' sense of isolation, as people opt out of attending dinner, concerts and holidays.
Too busy to socialise
Some people in regional areas believe adult friendships are easier to form in country towns, where there are fewer degrees of separation and more relaxed social mores.
When pilot Flynn Smith moved to the town of Broome in northern Western Australia, he didn't know anyone and decided to be proactive.
"My grandfather used to be involved with his local Men's Shed down south, so when I moved to Broome I looked online and wandered by to say hello," he said.
"It's good chatting with some of the local fellas — they are some real characters and I also enjoy fixing things and making things."
The 22-year-old has since developed a busy social life spent with people he has met through work.
But he says generally speaking, it's become more difficult to round people up for a catch-up.
"There are so many streaming services and social media options now, so I think people sometimes find it an easier option to stick to that," he says.
"Even back in Perth, where I'm from, it takes a bit more effort to get together because people seem busier, and seem to be working more these days."
Susan's story
Others are using technology to help bridge the social divide.
While phone apps have long been used for dating and hook-ups, platforms like Meetup are reporting an increase in people using the search term "friends" and "friendship".
Among its regular users is Susan, who asked for her surname not be used.
Six years ago her marriage ended and she found herself alone at home, without her usual circle of friends.
"I had a big old life change, and found myself lacking in friends I could call on," she says.
"I decided that wasn't what I wanted for myself, so I hopped online."
Susan started attending social events organised via the app, and pushed through the initial awkwardness.
She was rewarded with a varied friendship group and even met a romantic partner.
Now, she helps organise platonic meet-ups, which are free of charge and held at cafes and bars.
"Loneliness is tough, and it's not something people really talk about a whole lot," she reflects.
"It's not something people can fix for you, so it's just a matter of finding your confidence, getting off your butt and getting out to meet people."
'A dirty word'
The organisation Ending Loneliness Together was formalised in 2020, as COVID lockdowns swept the nation and concern intensified about social isolation.
Chairperson Dr Lim says plans are underway for Australia's inaugural Loneliness Awareness Week, to be held in August.
"Loneliness is still seen as a dirty word, and something that's a personal deficit," she says.
"It was initially seen as something that can't be changed, because it's part of your personality.
"But now the research is saying that actually, loneliness is an innate signal that we simply need to respond to.
"But the stigma and shame are barriers to us talking about loneliness in a much more empowering way, and we're hoping that will change."
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