Life on the breadline
Social exclusion

I dreamed of being the best contemporary dancer ever and of living a life of opulence. Life, however, is not a dream at all
Gavin Ritchie
Gavin Ritchie: ‘In 25 years I have lived in 32 suburbs – that is if couch surfing qualifies as living.’ Photograph: Carly Earl for the Guardian

Name: Gavin Ritchie
Age: 45
Lives: Sydney
Turning point: My parents separating when I was 10 months old
After housing costs has to live on: $306 a week

Forty-five years ago I arrived. My people are Dhungutti from Kempsey and I grew up on Wiradjuri country. Being from a mixed-race relationship I was already at a disadvantage. Ten months later my parents separated and me and two brothers were raised by our mother from that point on. From this point until now I have had the honour of being classified as disadvantaged.
My mother raised three boys under six years of age as a single mother. We didn’t have everything we wanted, but we had everything we needed. Luxuries were precisely that. It didn’t really matter because I always dreamed of fame and money.
Earlier in life I didn’t realise when people talked about living below the breadline that they were referring to me and my family unit. It didn’t really click in my mind until my mid to late 20s. Whenever I heard them say the breadline all I could imagine was that someone had lined up bread rolls in the sky. To this day I still haven’t seen it.
I moved to Sydney from my hometown of Gilgandra 25 years ago with hopes and aspirations of becoming the best contemporary dancer ever and living a life of opulence. Life, however, is not a dream at all. And it doesn’t get easier. But I did get to work with Bangarra dance theatre at the Sydney Olympics opening ceremony – that was a highlight.

Gavin Ritchie at a beach
‘I have learned over the years that you can eat three meals a day seven days a week if you know where to go’ Photograph: Carly Earl for the Guardian

Living alone in Sydney for 25 years has been a bit of a live-or-die scenario for me. Somehow I have weathered the storm and can tell you about it now. In 25 years I have lived in 32 suburbs – that is if couch surfing qualifies as living. I have lived in a housing commission apartment for the last four and a half years. It’s not the Ritz but it’s my home and it’s all I need. It’s amazing how much of a difference secure accommodation makes in a person’s life.
When it comes to eating healthily, living alone poses a gamut of problems. Who can be bothered to cook for just themselves? Not me. I rarely cook and therefore don’t do much grocery shopping. I have learned over the years that you can eat three meals a day seven days a week if you know where to go. Thankfully I gained that knowledge over time.
Ten years ago I lost a big part of my world. One morning me and my best friend were having an argument and he stormed out of the apartment we were staying in. That was the last time I saw my mate alive. We were on the sixth floor of the building and I found him on the ground. He had taken his own life and a large whack of mine with it. I have and, will never, be the same. It’s hard, but I thought I must live for him.

"Love and happiness keep me alive"

Seven years ago I was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. My world fell apart. I spent three months in hospital and almost died. While it shook my foundations I feel it has made me a better person. I left hospital with my values and desires completely restructured. Things that I had previously coveted and held dear no longer held value. Things I never gave a second thought to now are of ultimate significance. Love and life are now all I need. That’s fortunate, as that is all I have. My values have aligned with my reality.
I no longer am burdened by the pursuit of riches. I am one of richest people I know. Luckily I don’t count my wealth in dollars and cents. Hearts are far more valuable. Love and happiness keep me alive.
In a way being consistently disadvantaged has worked to my advantage. I know many people who are of a higher socioeconomic status than myself and I feel for them deeply. I said to one, “If your credit card don’t work and mummy and daddy don’t pick up the phone, you’re screwed. I on the other hand have learned to subsist on less than nothing. I survive.”
Life has knocked me down a million times thus far and will a million times more. I will get back up every single time. Disadvantage? Bah humbug.
• In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. Hotlines in other countries can be found here
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