Seven ways to overcome loneliness

Extract from The Guardian

Seven ways

Loneliness

The evidence shows that being lonely is bad for your physical and mental health. But, with support from groups and specialists – and even the internet – you needn’t tackle it on your own

Emily Reynolds

@rey_z

Mon 24 Sep 2018 00.00 AEST

Nine million British adults describe themselves as ‘often or always lonely’. Volunteering can be a really effective way of overcoming loneliness. Photograph: Ariel Skelley/Getty Images

Recognise the impact of loneliness

According to the Campaign to End Loneliness, a commission originally set up by MP Jo Cox in 2016, loneliness can be as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It is also associated with increased risk of heart disease, stroke and blood pressure, as well as dementia – one study cited by the campaign found that lonely people “have a 64% increased chance of developing clinical dementia”. Having healthy social networks, on the other hand, can decrease risk of mortality and of developing diseases, as well as helping people recover when they are ill – and with 9 million adults describing themselves as “often or always lonely”, it is clear that loneliness has become such a pressing public health concern. Recognising the impact loneliness could have on you is the first step to tackling it.

Work out exactly why you are lonely

The mental health charity Mind cites two main factors that can cause loneliness: someone either not having enough basic social contact or, despite being surrounded by people, not feeling understood, listened to or cared for. It suggests working out which profile fits you best – it could give you a better idea of how to work through your feelings of loneliness.

Speak to someone

Talking to friends and family is an obvious and easy path to tackling loneliness, but if you feel you are lacking, joining a club or socialising through hobbies or interests is a good way to meet new people and increase social interactions. The Campaign to End Loneliness suggests voluntary work is particularly good, as it forges connections as well as feeling worthwhile in its own right.

Get online

Spending time online obviously cannot replace all your real-life interactions, but it can help. The NHS recommends time online to older people experiencing loneliness. This might not be the glorious panacea it immediately seems, however; more than one study has found a link between loneliness and time spent online, so it is important to supplement online chats with actual meetups, too.

Increase meaningful social contact

It’s all very well joining Twitter or volunteering at your local charity shop, but some research suggests that who you spend your time with matters, too. One study in 2011 found that elderly people who spent time with family were less lonely than those attending social groups with strangers. The perfect excuse to call your mum.

Change your thinking

Other studies have shown that changing your thinking altogether might be a more foundational way of dealing with loneliness. One 2010 study found that approaches designed to change “maladaptive thinking” – such as negative beliefs or black and white thinking – were, on average, four times more effective than any other kind of approach. Attending CBT might be a good start, the study authors suggest, so perhaps consider speaking with a therapist.

Learn to be OK in your own company

Too much solitude would make anyone lonely. But learning to enjoy time on your own can be just as important as a good social life. Filling your time with hobbies that interest you – and, importantly, appreciating the pleasure that these things give you – can go some way to combating loneliness. Watching a film or dining alone may not sound particularly thrilling, but with one 2015 study finding that people consistently underestimate how much they enjoy their own company, you might have more fun than you expect.