, 
Now I know how the Pharaohs felt.
That moment when the long, pointy-ended swab is inserted up your nose — higher and higher until it finds what feels like the very base of your brain and scrambles it around like cracked eggs in a dish — is surely only worth it if you're going to wake to find yourself in the after life surrounded by gold body-stockings and enough cats for an eternity of YouTube videos?
(Ah — good morning by the way. You weren't eating breakfast were you?)
I had the COVID19 test. Yes, I took one for Team Victoria.
My home state wants to test 100,000 people in two weeks (you do the arithmetic: that's a highly-optimistic 7142 tests a day) in order to have the data to make informed decisions about loosening restrictions.
If you have any of the mildest symptoms you are urged to get the test so they can get the picture. Bravely, I took my scratchy sore throat to the local hospital, got my brains tickled and did my little bit to #GetMeTheHellOutOfLockdown. The test came back negative.
There is so much we don't know
While that always fragile national coalition crumbles around us, and the Feds argue with the States about who really knows whether schools are safe for kids and teachers, and States start to go their own way on social distancing, we sit at home clutching our pandemic puppies wondering who we should believe.
I don't know what to tell you, because paradoxically while all we can rely on is evidence, peer-reviewed data — and there's not much of that — and facts, the truth of our situation is that we know so little about this virus, it's effects and what else it might to do us long term. The enemy of good policy is certainty right now, because there is so much we don't know.
Does this novel coronavirus cause clots in some younger patients, leading to strokes? Does it trigger inflammatory conditions in children like Kawasaki disease? The international medical network is fizzing with the intensity of their discussions which are being held at the same breakneck speed at which a vaccine is being developed.
In the meantime we wait.
National Cabinet has moved forward a discussion about easing the lockdown, but cautious states like mine clearly won't move unless it's clear we won't have to go back into lockdown again.
Hence caution. Hence we wait.
Escape into history
While we wait, our Weekend Reads will let you escape into history — contested and otherwise, and we share with you the true weirdness that is this isolated life: don't worry, we're all feeling it. And if it's facts you need — ABC RMIT Fact Check has you covered.
Have a safe and happy weekend. I'm sure you must have at least brushed past some of the brilliant moments of the iso-celebrations for the composer Stephen Sondheim's 90th birthday (the man whose life and work, it turns out, has been the life and work of my beloved colleague Mark Humphries).
If you missed it — ABC Classic FM can help you with the entire thing, performed and enjoyed by stars and fans alike, all in their jammies and all in their lounge-rooms.
But the real gold is at 2.22.60 … three dames, three bottles, one cocktail shaker. If you missed Christine Baranski, Meryl Streep and Audra McDonald boozing their way through Ladies Who Lunch, consider your weekend made.
And it's a slow dance in the kitchen tonight, with Nick Cave covering Marc Bolan's Cosmic Dancer for a tribute album to the T-Rex genius due out in September. You'll be able to hold on tight and not spill a drop with this one.
Dance on. Go well.
Virginia Trioli is presenter on Mornings on ABC Radio Melbourne and the former co-host of ABC News Breakfast
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