Extract from The Guardian
Late-night hosts puzzle over the sentencing of Michael Cohen and the audience for an exclusive Fox News streaming service
Late-night hosts analyzed Michael Cohen’s three-year prison sentence and the launch of a Fox News streaming service.
Unfortunately for Trump, Colbert noted, “before Cohen climbed up on
to the prison bus, he made sure to throw Trump under it” through several
statements to the court in which he expressed contempt for his former
loyalty to the president.Stephen Colbert
Donald Trump’s former lawyer and personal fixer Michael Cohen was sentenced to three years in prison on Wednesday for financial crimes and illegal campaign payments on behalf of the president, marking “another big decision in the landmark case of Donald Trump v Getting Caught,” joked Stephen Colbert on the Late Show.“I have been living in a personal and mental incarceration ever since the fateful day that I accepted an offer to work for a famous real estate mogul whose business acumen I [deeply] admired,” Cohen said, according to court documents.
Cohen’s poetic language is telling, Colbert said. “That’s how bad working for Trump is – Michael Cohen is happy to trade metaphor jail for jail.”
Colbert offered a quick correction: “Actually, the irony is that while you’re in prison for your crimes, the guy who ordered you to do the crimes will be at Mar-a-Lago sharing chocolate cake with [Chinese president] Xi Jinping and Kid Rock.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel also dug into the implications of Cohen’s sentence for the president. “The big question, of course, is whether Trump himself knew about and directed these illegal payments,” Kimmel remarked on the money paid to two former Playboy Playmates in exchange for their silence over affairs with Trump. “And the big answer to that question is: duh.
“Just to recap,” he continued, “Donald Trump cheats on his wife while she’s at home with their infant son, Donald Trump has a long-term affair with a Playboy Playmate, Donald Trump illegally pays the both of them off, and Michael Cohen goes to jail for it.”
On the plus side, Kimmel noted, Cohen already has the looks for his latest role in Trump’s ongoing legal woes.
“Here’s the thing about Michael Cohen … for whatever reason he always looks like he’s just been sentenced to three years in prison,” Kimmel joked.
Like Colbert, Kimmel pointed to another instance of irony overlooked by Cohen in his court statements.
In a tweet from two years ago, Cohen wrote: “@HillaryClinton when you go to prison for defrauding America and perjury, your room and board will be free!”
“Yes, and I’ll be there working in the cafeteria providing that board,” Kimmel said as if speaking for Cohen. “The lockers have become the lockees.”
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